It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
