I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
