i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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