I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
