It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
