at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
