I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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