Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
