i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize