There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
