I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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