Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
