Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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