hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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