I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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