dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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