I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just threw up on my dentist
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
