I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
