how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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