Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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