well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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