She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
