So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
