On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
