well I can't set my house on fire every night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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