I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
