I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
