census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
