i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
