The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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