so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
nutella sex= disaster
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
