I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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