Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
