I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
