I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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