If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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