carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
