yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
