Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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