You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
