Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Boobs speak an international language.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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