Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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