Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
