And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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