Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
