today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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