Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just pee around me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
