I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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