you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
