I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
