Need sex. Gaining weight.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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