I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
