My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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