i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
