I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We're too hungover to prance.
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