I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
