Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
