So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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