Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
