I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
