Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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