is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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