hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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