Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
