I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
why is half of my head shaved?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
