just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
