it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
