White coat. Heels.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
