I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
