Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
