tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize