she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize