I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
